051: Choke (2008)

Title: Choke (2008)
Starring: Sam Rockwell, Brad William Henke, Anjelica Huston
Directed By: Clark Gregg

For a movie based on a Chuck Palahniuk novel about a sex addict, this actually has a lot of heart. I'm sure it has something to do with Sam Rockwell's performance, or maybe it's Clark Gregg's storytelling, or maybe it's just the incredibly likable cast (including Kelly Macdonald, Anjelica Huston and the scene-stealing Brad William Henke). I think it's all of the above, but that could just be me.

It's by no means the first film of its kind, but it is a pretty good example of satire. That alone is worth giving it a look, seeing as how most attempts fail (Men Who Stare At Goats) or succeed at just being "ok". Recommended.

Score: 7.5/10

050: Whatever Works (2009)

Title: Whatever Works (2009)
Starring: Larry David, Evan Rachel Wood, Patricia Clarkson
Directed By: Woody Allen

Woody Allen. Plus. Larry David. Need I say more?

Who could possibly be better suited to represent Woody's machinations on aging and human connection than Larry David? It's a match made in heaven, like peanut butter and chocolate. Only it's brilliantly neurotic peanut butter and crotchety bald chocolate. And it works. Splendidly.

In Whatever Works, we are introduced to a character not unlike Woody or Larry themselves: a little older, a little crankier, but still a genius. Boris says a lot of the things aloud that we would dare only whisper under our breaths. And why not? He sees the bigger picture. All of this will be over soon enough, be you and don't apologize for it.

And that's what I loved most about this movie. It's just so "it". Nine times out of ten you get exactly what you expect with Woody Allen. This is the tenth. It was exactly what I expected, and yet a little more. I can't help but think that's thanks to Larry David. Here's hoping they do this again. Real soon. Highly recommended.

Score: 9/10

049: Spartan (2004)

Title: Spartan (2004)
Starring: Val Kilmer, Derek Luke, Kristen Bell
Directed By: David Mamet

If you're familiar with writer/director David Mamet, then you know not to expect the ordinary when watching one of his films. This modern conspiracy thriller was no exception.

In it, Val Kilmer plays Agent Scott, a retrieval expert searching for the missing daughter of an important political figure (Kristen Bell). Also on the case are Ed O'Neill, William H. Macy, Derek Luke and others.

The kidnapping plot is a tangled web of deceptions and misdirections (as you would expect from a Mamet screenplay). The problem with the story is in it's lack of focus. Too many times the film changes gears and the viewer is left reeling. It becomes a scatter-brained mess, instead of complex storytelling. I know that that's just one of the many weapons in Mamet's arsenal, but here it is dreadfully misused. Had he been able to put more of a coherent story on the screen, or given the audience time to adjust, this might have been passable. Instead, it misses the mark.

Score: 5/10

048: Logorama (2009)

Title: Logorama (2009)
Starring: Bob Stephenson, Aja Evans, Joel Michaely
Directed By: François Alaux, Hervé de Crécy, Ludovic Houplain

Maybe its cheating to review a short film, but when it's this good you kind of HAVE to. Clocking in at approximately 16 minutes, this Academy Award winning animated short features a visually stunning world comprised entirely of hundreds of recognizable corporate logos.

The plot involves a high-speed chase through the city that ends in catastrophic destruction. The criminal in the chase is Ronald McDonald. The cops are all Michelin Men. Big Boy is held hostage. The Jolly Green Giant is a zookeeper watching over the MGM Lion, the Ecko Rhino and more. All of these logos come together seamlessly to create a fantastic social commentary on modern American consumerism.

This film is incredible and it really does have to be seen to be believed. You can watch it (in its entirety) here. Highly recommended.

Score: 9.5/10

047: Green Street Hooligans (2005)

Title: Green Street Hooligans (2005)
Starring: Elijah Wood, Charlie Hunnam, Claire Forlani
Directed By: Lexi Alexander

I haven't seen Punisher: War Zone yet, but now I get why they got a female director. With Green Street Hooligans, Lexi Alexander shoots action sequences as if you were there in the street yourself, part of the brawl. It's exhilarating. Unfortunately, a lot of the movie feels like time that passes as your just waiting for the next fight.

The story follows Harvard dropout Matt Buckner (Wood). Matt heads to England to visit his sister, and while there he gets involved with her brother-in-law Pete and his "firm" (basically a gang of violent, rabid soccer fans supporting their home team). What follows is Matt's journey into manhood and his discovery of the pride that comes with having something worth fighting for in your life.

The fights (and there are plenty) are easily the most enjoyable element of the film. While the characters are fairly well-developed and the performances are all decent, their motivations are all pretty obvious and heart-on-their-sleeve. They all do what they should, and in the end, it was just to get us to the next fight. I do have to say though, that Elijah Wood holds his own in the action scenes, which I found a little surprising.

That's not to say there isn't a decent story here, it just pales in comparison to the fighting. For the gritty brawls alone, this is recommended.

Score: 7/10

046: The Affair of The Necklace (2001)

Title: The Affair of The Necklace (2001)
Starring: Hilary Swank, Jonathan Pryce, Adrien Brody
Directed By: Charles Shyer

As far as period pieces go, this one is pretty by-the-books. Hilary Swank does the best she can, Simon Baker is likable, Christopher Walken is awesome, blah blah blah. I'd actually like to take this opportunity to voice a MAJOR complaint that I have with these costume dramas.

The British accent is NOT the default European accent! These actors are portraying historical FRENCH figures. From FRANCE! They spoke French, they've got French names, and yet somehow, in this movie everyone is BRITISH!?! It's been done a million times and it'll be done a million more, but it's just so awkward. You've got Scottish-born Brian Cox doing his best to sound like someone else, and he nails all of the French names, but every time he speaks with his best proper British accent (even in the voiceovers) it becomes painfully obvious that something just isn't right.

A lot of time and work goes into recreating the historical periods depicted in this type of film. The LEAST the casting directors can do is hire a vocal coach to help the actors achieve some type of realism. I understand it. I really do, but I just can't condone it.

Other than that, as I said, this is pretty basic stuff. The plot plays out kind of like a heist movie, which I liked, and the story is pretty intriguing. A few glaring (but not uncommon) errors only add to the mediocrity of the film, but that's not to say it isn't worth checking out. Just don't expect to be blown away. Or to hear any French accents in France.

Score: 6/10

045: Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)

Title: Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)
Starring: John Cusack, Rob Cordry, Craig Robinson
Directed By: Steve Pink

80's movies have earned themselves quite the reputation. 80's action is cheesy and violent, 80's horror is definitive and often imitated, 80's sci-fi is timeless and 80's comedy is HILARIOUS. Fish out of water stories often serve as the comedic device, and typically the main protagonist has a friend or friends to help them on their way and make witty observations for the audience.

You may be asking why I'm bringing all this up. The answer is simple. Though this film was released in 2010, it IS an 80's movie! Everything about it is lovingly ripped from that era, from the plot and characters, to the soundtrack, down even to the cast themselves, including some extremely memorable cameos (Crispin Glover, Chevy Chase, Poison).

Quick! Name the decade: "Hey I'm gonna go see the new John Cusack and Chevy Chase movie. The one with Poison in it. Wanna come?" If you EVER thought the answer to that would be 2010 (before seeing the trailer for this movie), you are a psychic genius and you have better things to do with your time than read this blog.

The plot of this film is RIDICULOUS and it's spelled out quite clearly in the title, so I won't get into details. I will say, however, that there hasn't been a movie quite like this in a while. The Hangover was pretty similar, but it doesn't have that undeniable 80's charm. Hot Tub Time Machine does. By the bucketful. Highly recommended.

Score: 8.5/10

044: He Was A Quiet Man (2007)

Title: He Was A Quiet Man (2007)
Starring: Christian Slater, Elisha Cuthbert, William H. Macy
Directed By: Frank A. Capello

Writer/Director Frank A. Capello has come a long, long way since writing Suburban Commando, the 1991 family comedy that had Hulk Hogan as an alien living with Christopher Lloyd.

Here, he introduces us to Bob Maconel (an almost unrecognizable Christian Slater), a depressed and delusional office drone. Bob is just another cog in the big machine of commerce. He's underappreciated for doing a tedious, meaningless task. He fantasizes about snapping one day and blowing up the building. Bob talks to his fish at home. The fish talk back to him. He's not your average guy. But, in a way, he DEFINES average.

Bob keeps a gun at work because he knows someday the time will come and he will snap and kill his co-workers. What he doesn't count on though, is that when that day comes, someone will beat him to the punch and start shooting his office mates first. When this all goes down, Bob shoots back and kills the gunman, becoming an unlikely hero. Soon after, things begin to change for Bob. He's liked at work and gets a raise and a promotion. He falls for a woman that worked there and was injured in the attack. He cuts his lawn. He gets his life moving in the right direction, and then the drama and turmoil of just being Bob start to set in.

I won't spoil the ending for you. What I will say is this: He Was A Quiet Man surprised me. The performances are superb (especially Slater) with just a few mis-steps here and there. The plot is inventive and original. The art direction, particularly the brilliant but sparing use of CG, is outstanding. I hope to see more from Capello, and I hope that someone reads this and finds this movie as compelling as I did. Recommended.

Score: 7.5/10

043: Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)

Title: Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)
Starring: Matthew Horne, James Corden, MyAnna Buring
Directed By: Phil Claydon

OK, so the title says it all. It's Lesbian Vampire Killers (released in the US as just "Vampire Killers")! It's a British B-Movie horror comedy starring two English sitcom stars. It's a slightly lesser Shaun of The Dead with bits of My Name is Bruce thrown in. But don't let that deter you. If you find anything amusing about anything in the previous sentences, then you should probably check this out.

It's got animated graphics that could make a Syfy original movie look like Avatar. It's got ridiculous double entendres. It pokes fun at as much of the genre as it can, and then some. Most importantly though, it's just great fun!

Like I said, the title says it all. You ALREADY know if you'll like Lesbian Vampire Killers. But maybe you're not ready for just how much you'll like it. Recommended.

Score: 8/10

042: The Wolfman (2010)

Title: The Wolfman (2010)
Starring: Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt
Directed By: Joe Johnston

The success or failure of an oldschool Universal monster movie rested on the creature design and performance of the villain. These are classic ghouls in every sense: The Mummy, the Creature From the Black Lagoon, Dracula, The Phantom of The Opera, Frankenstein's Monster and, of course, the Wolf Man.

In order to update these for a modern audience, the use of computers and modern movie magic can aide in the creation of these characters, but the rule stays the same. The creature design and main performance are what will make or break your monster movie. I am happy to say that the design and performance of this Wolfman is pretty fantastic. So the film works. Everything else though, is lacking.

Don't get me wrong, this is no The Mummy Returns. It's a pretty straightforward, sometimes gory, period horror film. The main problems are in the film's release date (it should've come out in the fall, preferably near Halloween opposite Saw XXXVII, or whatever they're up to now) and overall tone (this feels more like a mystery than a fright-fest).

Had the movie been able to establish a scarier environment for our characters, perhaps their decisions would have made more sense to me as a viewer. You're a successful London stage actor. Your brother has gone missing. You are called in to help look for him. By the time you arrive, it is discovered that he was mauled by a vicious beast and died. You...
A) Stick around for the funeral and go about your business.
B) Decide to stick around for a little while after the funeral to help your father and your now dead brother's beautiful fiance cope with their grief, and THEN go about your business.
C) Stick around for the funeral. Stick around to help your father and hot would-be Sister-in-Law cope with their grief. Stick around and try to hunt the thing that killed your brother. Stick around after you've been mauled yourself, and somehow survived with the help of Gypsies. Stick around even after you start to fear that being attacked by the beast may have had an adverse affect on you. Man, come to think of it, this is a lot of "stickin' around" for a guy who hasn't been here for 20-some years.

My point is; in a horror movie, characters make illogical decisions. It's sort of a requirement. In a mystery, however, it's the exact opposite. The main character should be one step behind the villain until the final gambit wherein it is revealed that our detective figured it out long ago and has been playing along only until an opportune moment arose to capture the fiendish villain. As Scooby Doo as that sounds, it's a proven formula. And one that this film follows foolishly. This should have been eery and brutal. Or at least it should have had some defining artistic style that makes it stand out from the others in the genre, like Burton's Sleepy Hollow.

Unfortunately, Johnston does everything he can to make this as usual and typical a film as possible. It was *this* close to being something special though.

Score: 7/10

041: Cop Out (2010)

Title: Cop Out (2010)
Starring: Tracy Morgan, Bruce Willis, Seann William Scott
Directed By: Kevin Smith

This movie had a lot of "if" factors. If Kevin Smith can bring his brand of humor to the film, it could be one of the funniest action comedies of all time. If Bruce Willis can be in full-on "John McClane" mode, this could be a good old-fashioned shoot 'em up. If Tracy Morgan can carry a film, maybe it can find a huge audience and become a franchise. Unfortunately for Cop Out, all of the "if's" were "no's".

This is basically a by-the-numbers studio flick with some great names attached. This is 2010's Taxi. That movie had an up-and-coming star in Jimmy Fallon, a director trying out a new genre in Tim Story (Barbershop), and a proven box office draw in Queen Latifah (fresh off of Bringing Down The House). Now this is nowhere near as flat-out bad as that, but you get my point. The studios churn these things out by the discount-DVD-bin-fulls, but usually they don't attract this much talent.

Kevin Smith directed this film. Where's the wit? Where's the charm? I know he didn't write it, but still. He's capable of much better. The action scenes here are slow and muddled. The jokes are sub-standard. The performances are just AWFUL. Tracy Morgan does his whole "man-baby" shtick the ENTIRE movie. Bruce Willis looks to be bored and it seems like he genuinely hates being there.

The only thing this movie actually succeeds at is in the soundtrack. In a stroke of pure brilliance, and with a tip of the hat, Smith recruited Harold Faltermeyer as his composer. Faltermeyer is the genius behind some of the greatest action scores of the 80's (Beverly Hills Cop, Beverly Hills Cop II, Fletch, Top Gun, The Running Man), and he also hasn't scored a scripted film in over 15 years. His work in this film sounds EXACTLY how you'd think it sounds. It's synth-y, it's cheesy, and it's fantastic!

In fact, the implementation of this music leads me to believe that Kevin Smith was almost aiming for parody with this film. Perhaps, the entire thing is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. After all there IS action cliche after action cliche. Maybe this wasn't the mediocre mess that I had originally perceived it as. Maybe it's a comedy master stroke. Only time will tell, I guess. But for now, it is what it is.

Score: 6.5/10

040: Valentine's Day (2010)

Title: Valentine's Day (2010)
Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Biel
Directed By: Garry Marshall

This is crap. Absolute crap. Seriously.

The plot is non-existent. The performances are cheesy and fake and laughable. The direction is corny and amateurish.

Save yourself the two hours and do ANYTHING else. Go to the dentist. Watch youtube non-stop. Read a Twilight book. Those are all better options. Trust me.

Score: 3/10

039: The Crazies (2010)

Title: The Crazies (2010)
Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Joe Anderson
Directed By: Breck Eisner

What kind of movie is this supposed to be? Take any 10 minutes by themselves and you might not know. At times it's a survival horror movie with a zombie spin, but then sometimes it's more of a smaller feeling character study, and then all of a sudden it's a political thriller. I think had the filmmakers made up their minds they may actually have had something here. Perhaps they should have toned it down a little and gone for the PG-13. Who knows? What we get as is though, is a muddled, "wishy-washy", forgettable film.

Basic plotline: a "virus" starts turning the inhabitants of a small town into mindless, violent killers. At least at first it does. As the movie progresses, the "zombies" get more and more people-like. Apparently some of them can use weapons, and then some of them can talk, and then some of them are the EXACT same as they were when they were people just with purple veins visible on their faces. It's never really explained exactly how this stuff works on its victims. We find out the how, the who, the why and the when but never the what.

I can see this movie becoming one of those over-looked Halloween repeat viewings that people swear by in years to come. But for now, it's mostly forgettable and a little too all-over-the-place for me.

Score: 6/10

038: Whip It (2009)

Title: Whip It (2009)
Starring: Ellen Page, Marcia Gay Harden, Kristen Wiig
Directed By: Drew Barrymore

While there isn't exactly anything new and exciting about this movie, it does have an overall likeability that I couldn't ignore. These characters are amusing, although generic. The story is fun, but predictable. It's not exactly "Picture of the Year" material, but that doesn't mean you can't just watch it and enjoy it.

Whip It follows the story of Bliss Cavendar (Page), a young woman in Bodeen, TX who is just coming into her own. Her mother (Harden) wants her to participate in beauty pageants, but she doesn't like them. When she sneaks away to see a roller derby match, she discovers what she does like. Roller derby. From this point on you know EXACTLY what's going to happen, right down to the "feel-good but lesson learned" ending.

First-time director Barrymore is really the only success-story that comes out of this. Here, she's crafted a fitting example of the genre, and done so with a certain amount of credibility that isn't always allotted to first-timers. She certainly took advantage of the opportunity and made the best of it. Here's hoping that next time she can try her hand at some more original material, and knock it out of the park.

Score: 7.5/10